Sex. Work. Your heart

No, this isn't about sex in the workplace or about sex and your heart--sorry to disappoint you. This is about something Warren Buffett said:

“Take a job that you love. I think you are out of your mind if you keep taking jobs that you don’t like because you think it will look good on your resume. Isn’t that a little like saving up sex for your old age?” -Warren Buffett 

Warren Buffett said that? Yes, in fact, he did. But, is he right? After all, just because someone is brilliant in some areas doesn't make them an expert in all areas. I have to say though, I think Mr. Buffett is spot on here. What do you think?

Three of my clients have recently done the hard work of first admitting they didn't love what they were doing--and then doing something about that. It's not that they disliked what they did for work--but they sure didn't love it.

Today these three clients are doing what they love--and not one of them had to sacrifice their level of income in the process. In fact, they are making more money--and two of them are making significantly more money.

When I first challenged them on why they were staying where they were, all three said they couldn't make the money they were making if they made a change. So, for the sake of money, they were waiting to make career decisions--and  Mr. Buffett compares  that to "a little like saving up sex for your old age."

Enough about my clients, let's talk about you. What do you want for yourself and your life? Why don't you have it already--or why aren't you in the process of getting there, wherever "there" is for you? What are you "saving up" for later? Who says you can't have it sooner versus later? What does that little "voice" inside your head say? What about your "heart?" What does it say?

Sex, work and your heart. Turns out, there's a connection between all three. Who would have known? Apparently, Warren Buffett.

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We have beliefs about everything, but not all of our beliefs are helpful or defensible:

• Beliefs about self ("I'm not a risk taker.")
• Beliefs about others ("He's an idiot!")
• Beliefs about our future (I can't get a better job in this economy.")
• Beliefs about money ("Money doesn't grow on trees." Technically true, but what are we really saying?)
• Beliefs about employees ("We'd better not tell them everything.")

Beliefs--we have to have them, there's no way around that. But we don't have to believe them. We don't have to confuse our beliefs with facts. Facts are something we can prove over and over again and they're true for everyone. Beliefs are only true when we make them true for ourselves.

If we want something better at work or in life, we have to begin with our beliefs. If we want something to change, we have to change the beliefs we cherish so much. That can be challenging because we are often unaware about what we really think and believe about important matters.

The next time we're so sure what we believe is "right" and based on "reality," it might be good to look over this list of some very smart people who believed the following:

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”
(Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943)

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”
(Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977)

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”
(Bill Gates, 1981)

“$100 million dollars is way too much to pay for Microsoft.”
(IBM, 1982)

Prediction about the Internet: It “will soon go spectacularly supernova and in 1996 catastrophically collapse.” Robert Metcalfe in a 1995 issue of InfoWorld.

On consumer buying on the internet: “Remote shopping, while entirely feasible, will flop - because women like to get out of the house, like to handle merchandise, like to be able to change their minds.”  Time magazine, 1966

Maybe everything is perfect in your life or at your company. If not, for something to change, something has to change. That something will always include our beliefs.

Now it's your turn...leave a comment and I'll be sure to reply.

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Robert is the CEO of a multi-million dollar company. It's not the biggest company around by far, but it's not tiny either. He brought me in and said, "Our sales are down this year and I have to do something now." I asked Robert, "How were sales last year." He replied, "They were down last year as well." I asked more questions and he answered each one thoughtfully and then we scheduled another meeting.

Robert then asked me to send him a proposal to turn things around. I told him that was premature and suggested on more meeting and he agreed. The next week came around and we met and included the sales director this time. That's when things got interesting. The sales director went on and on about how they were one of the leaders in their industry and were doing quite well despite the economy.

He talked about how some of their competitors had closed their doors and others were struggling big time. In short, he hypnotized the CEO into believing they were doing better than they were. He said they were doing "good" in bad times.

I looked at Robert, the CEO and asked him if that was acceptable. Was "good" acceptable when they were capable of thriving? Robert then began to argue that things weren't as bad as he thought and that they should just "stay the course" for now.

Robert is a good CEO and the sales director is a good sales director. And that's the problem. There's a reason Jim Collins said "Good is the enemy of great." Because it is. When it comes to looking in the mirror and at the results we produce, what do most of us do? We focus on where we are successful (and often exaggerate that) and tell ourselves we will get to the challenges tomorrow.

We're trapped by our successes--and that's why we call it the "Success Trap." We're trapped and what's worse, we don't even know it. We're not in much pain yet. Our success numbs us to whatever discomfort we feel and it's easy to ignore. That's what most of us do.

A relatively small percentage of us take the positive energy from our success and achievements and build on that. That's the key to thriving. Unfortunately, too many of us wait until the pain is so bad we can't ignore it any longer. By that time, we aren't in the "Success Trap" any longer. Now we're in a crisis. That's what always happens when we stay in the "Success Trap" too long.

If things are going well for you at work and in life, that's wonderful. Just don't get lulled into complacency. Realize that if we're not steadily improving on all fronts, we'll find ourselves in the "Success Trap"--and we probably won't even know it. Robert doesn't know it yet--but it's just a matter of time.

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A little over a week ago, CPI Corp shut it's doors. CPI who, you say? You might not know the name, but I bet you've seen them taking family portraits with the babies and small kids squirming and crying in their studios housed in Sears, Walmart and Babies R Us. About 2,700 portrait studios in all--but no more--the company recently died and has left thousands of employees behind.

In 2006, the CEO at the time, Paul Rasmussen went to the board with suggestions and warnings about taking better care of their customers. The board didn't listen--they were doing quite well, thank you. So, instead of changing anything, they kept right on doing what they had been doing--and then they died--not suddenly, but slowly over time.

The problem is that they are not unique, not by a stretch. We (companies or individuals) seem to have a preference for thinking and doing the same thing, over and over again. We become trapped by and in our thinking, choices and habits and we're oblivious to that. We complain about this or that--and then keep the status quo alive and well.

Why? One reason is because we can. We seem to be doing okay--and the truth is that too many of us are content with Okay. We get lulled into a false sense of security and we don't see the writing on the wall. We don't want to even acknowledge there is a wall. Leaders do that, employees do that--and we routinely do that in our personal lives. I've been guilty of this and I bet you have too.

We haven't died yet--at least not in the final sense. The problem is that when we refuse to change, a little bit of us dies on the inside--and we usually don't even feel it. That's true for a company or for a person. Life is about change, growth and transformation. Life is about going forward, not staying in the same place or slipping backwards. Life has a message for us--and a blunt one at that: Change or die.

Why do we resist change so much? Maybe because we think change is so unpleasant and so hard--we hear that message all the time. The truth is that it doesn't have to be--we make it more difficult than it is. Change can happen right now. All it takes is a small change--thinking or doing something different that will take us in a better direction.

We might not want to think about changing jobs--so why not start with changing our resume and getting it up to date? We might find going back to college too much to think about right now--but we can handle enrolling in one class. We might think losing fifty pounds is impossible--but we can start taking a ten minute walk today.

Change or die.

Choose change.

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How often have you heard a therapist, coach or friend give someone the advice, "You  need to let go of the past." It sounds good, doesn't it? The only problem is it doesn't work. Huh? No, really, it doesn't work. How many times have you tried to "let go" of the past and found yourself thinking about it even more?

Here's what happens: You start with something from the past (even if it was a day ago) that was bothering you--you try to let it go--then you end up with not only what was bothering you from the past, but also your frustration of failing  to"let it go!"

See why "letting go of the past" is a myth and bad advice? Here are two reasons you can't "let go" of the past:

• It's like trying to not think of a "white bear." The very act of trying not to think about brings it back--again and again and again.
• The brain and subconscious mind doesn't know how to let go of something--it only know how to take hold of something else.

Think of it this way: We cannot not focus on something--we can only switch our focus to something else.

Imagine a trapeze artist. They don't actually let go of the trapeze bar they are on--they reach out and grab a different bar. In a technical sense, sure, they let go of the bar they are on--but it's the act of reaching for the bar they want that allows them to do that.

If you want to resolve something in the past, you have to identify something that is important to you and focus on that. You have to take action on something you can actually impact. You can't impact the past--it's in the past and cannot be changed. But you can change the present (how you feel or what you do) by changing your thinking and your behaviors.

Bottom line! Quit doing what doesn't work--trying to "let go of the past." And how do you do that? By starting something else--focusing on what you can do now to get more of what you want.

Let me know what you think.

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Since the economic downturn began, it seems that “playing it safe” has become a national pastime. Companies have laid off employees, instigated hiring freezes, and focused on cost-cutting measures rather than seeking to grow and prosper. While many of them have money, they are afraid to use it due to uncertainty in the marketplace.That’s called playing it safe—and it's the opposite of playing to win.

The problem is that growth demands risk - of time, of money, of talent - on endeavors that can be said to have a reasonable expectation of success (the operative word here being “expectation,” not “guarantee"). Leaders take risks where others are paralyzed by the possibility of failure. Some companies understand this—they aggressively launch new products, enter new markets, and venture into uncharted territory. These are the companies that set the pace, earn the profits, and reap the benefits of their leader status.

The same principle applies to individuals. Polls reveal that a large percentage of employees - anywhere from one-third to over one-half - say that they will look for new jobs when the economy picks up. For now, however, they are content to play it safe. Meanwhile, others are proactively seeking opportunities—and finding them.

There are no guarantees, but there are always opportunities. Playing to win means finding and exploiting these opportunities to get ahead. Do you have to leave your current job in order to do so? Maybe, maybe not. If you're content where you are, look for opportunities to grow and advance within your position. Learn a new skill. Propose a new idea. Ask for more responsibility, or for more resources to do your job better. If your efforts are ill-received, give it some time and ask again. Push back on the status quo.

Are you playing it safe, or are you playing to win? While none of these endeavors guarantee your success, they at least put the option on the table. Go ahead, weigh the risk-profit ratio before making a decision—but please, quit doing things just because they're "safe." When the economy does improve, you'll be an MVP for playing to win while others were hanging out in their comfort zones.

The post Are You Playing To Win or Playing to Not Lose? appeared first on Alan Allard.

How are you...and how is your New Year  so far? For some of us, the answer would be "Good...no, I mean really good!" For some of us, the answer would be"Not so good, I've been kind of stuck" and for others of us the answer would be "I'm just holding on. I thought this year would be so much better than last year, but so far, it's been pretty much the same thing as last year."

Wherever you are and whatever you are going through--good or not so much--we all have fears and we all have dreams. And we are all capable of facing our fears and feeding our dreams--really--whether we realize it or not. I know you have fears because we all do, no matter how much we've grown or how much we've achieved. And we all have dreams--but how many of us are feeding our dreams with the thoughts, beliefs and actions that are needed to bring them to life?

If things are going well for you, now is the time to capitalize on that and keep growing, changing and achieving bigger things. It's the time think bigger and take on bigger fears and find out how much more the universe and life has to offer. It's time to become healthier, more loving and to enjoy more of the abundance that is yours. You owe that to yourself and to those you love. If you are in a position of strength, go for more--and help others along the way.

If things aren't going so well, or they are okay and you want them to be in a whole different place, let me help you to decide today to turn things around. I've been where you are now and so have many others. Maybe not in the exact place you are in now, but in places that me and many others to relate. For instance, I was reminded today of J.K. Rowling--yes, the Rowling of Harry Potter fame. A few years back, Rowling talked about her days of "failure" and dark nights in a commencement speech at Harvard University and said this:

“I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

Rowling wrote her first novel in cafes in Edinburgh, Scotland (I've been to one of them) taking her daughter with her while she wrote. She pounded out her first draft on a manual typewriter and completed it in 1995, the year she turned 30. She was on government welfare, supporting a young daughter and had to face her fears. You and I know how things turned out for Rowling. But she didn't--not in the beginning, and not in the middle.

She just kept hoping, believing and taking action, writing one sentence at a time. She could do that, despite her fears. She could face her fears and feed her dreams one sentence at a time. Rowling had to plant the seeds of her dream and feed them for as long as it took for the seeds to grow into what they are today. You are probably not in the same challenging circumstances Rowling was when she started writing--or maybe you are facing bigger challenges.

Whatever your circumstances, here is something we can learn from J. K. Rowling: If things are not going well, now is the time to discover what your dream is and tap into it. It could be a better job, a new relationship or rekindling an "old" one, gaining more self-confidence and getting your mojo back. Ask yourself "What is my dream?" If you know what it is, it's time to act on it even if that means "writing one sentence at a time"like Rowling did. On the other hand, if things are going well for you, don't get caught up in the "Success Trap" where you settle for your current levels of success. Think bigger and challenge yourself; there is always so much more!

What are your fears? What are your dreams? Decide today that you will face your fears and feed your dreams and surprise yourself with how courageous, creative and capable you really are.

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Believe it or not, 2013 is just around the corner! If you have been thinking about how you would like the new year to be one of discovery, growth and achievement, here is a tip:"Don't believe everything you believe! If you want things to change in your life, you must change first. Life and the universe works from the inside out; as within, so without.

When I was in my early twenties, I came across this poem:

My Wage

“I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.”

-Jessie B. Rittenhouse

Give this poem some thought before 2012 ends and 2013 begins. What beliefs did you create your reality and results from over the past year. It's time to take an inventory of what we have believed about self, life, relationships, money and our health and ask which ones served us well and which ones didn't. The great thing about beliefs is that we don't have to keep on believing them. We can question them, challenge them and doubt them. We can decide they don't work for us any longer and update our subconscious minds about what we want to believe going forward.

Our beliefs are just beliefs. They aren't facts or we would simply call them facts, not beliefs.

We bargained with Life in 2012 based upon the beliefs we held on to. If you want to bargain for something better, it's time to get better beliefs to bargain with.

I wish you a  happy and prosperous New Year!

The post Don’t Believe Everything You Believe! appeared first on Alan Allard.

If you want to add more happiness to your life, take a minute and ask yourself this question: "What are my rules for happiness?"

If you don't think you have any rules for when it's okay to be happy or how happy you can allow yourself to be, think again. Your rules might not be conscious, but that doesn't mean you don't have any. We all do. Here are three common rules, even if they don't initially seem to be rules:

• I'll be happy when...
• I would be happier if...
• I'm usually happy until...

To really discover if you subconsciously have any of these rules, write them out and finish the sentence with whatever pops in your mind. Keep writing answers down as they pop into your mind and then go to the next rule.

Here's the thing about rules; we think they are important and should be followed. You have to make up your own mind about that, but you would probably agree that some rules should be changed.

What if you changed the three rules above to "I am happy for no good reason and I'm going to stay that way!" What if you realized that you are happy (we are all happy about something) and you decided to pay more attention to when you feel happy? What if we got in the habit of doing that?

Why not think about what rules you have had about happiness? And then made up a new list; one that really rocked?

And before you leave, please leave a comment and share a "rule," a principle or an idea that would help all of us create and experience more happiness, fulfillment and joy.

P.S. If you want to learn more about happiness in your life and work, get my book "Seven Secrets to Enlightened Happiness" on Amazon.com at: http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Secrets-Enlightened-Happiness-ebook/dp/B008KOJZG8 for only $2.99 for a limited time only. Here is what Roxane Hettinger said about it: 

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The universe is alive and vibrant, a pulsating force of energy and power--and each one of us is a part of the universe.  But that's not all--the universe is also within each of us. We have a power within that is beyond our capability to comprehend. The question is, "How can you tap into that power to experience more of the life you want?"

A colleague of mine recently wrote a book that will help you do just that. It is a practical book with exercises, inspiring stories and insights. It was written for women, but if you are a man, don't let that stop you--I didn't!

Helene is a C.E.O. and Chairman of Creative Expansions, Inc. and her company has more than 20 televised specials (among awards received are 2 Emmys and 6 Gracie Allen Awards from American Women in Radio and Television) and one of the premier websites for professional women, www.womenworking.com.

I read more than a book a week and it's not often I find one that I can't help telling others about. This is one of those rare books. Intrigued? Let me tell you a little more about Helene and In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self:

Helene Lerner, leading advocate for women's advancement and empowerment, addresses the nine most common self-sabotaging behaviors that hold women back, and reveals simple secrets to unlocking your true power.

With practical exercises and first-person stories, Lerner gives women the tools needed to achieve confidence, creativity, and intimacy in every aspect of life—from work to personal relationships to sex. Her approach is gentle but firm, compassionate yet disciplined, and eminently useful.

Learn to:

-       Stay present in the face of challenge and discomfort.

-       Express yourself genuinely in all aspects of life.

-       Recognize and appreciate your unique destiny.

-       Act with confidence and be visible when it counts.

-       Express your sexuality and experience true pleasure.

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