How often have you heard a therapist, coach or friend give someone the advice, "You  need to let go of the past." It sounds good, doesn't it? The only problem is it doesn't work. Huh? No, really, it doesn't work. How many times have you tried to "let go" of the past and found yourself thinking about it even more?

Here's what happens: You start with something from the past (even if it was a day ago) that was bothering you--you try to let it go--then you end up with not only what was bothering you from the past, but also your frustration of failing  to"let it go!"

See why "letting go of the past" is a myth and bad advice? Here are two reasons you can't "let go" of the past:

• It's like trying to not think of a "white bear." The very act of trying not to think about brings it back--again and again and again.
• The brain and subconscious mind doesn't know how to let go of something--it only know how to take hold of something else.

Think of it this way: We cannot not focus on something--we can only switch our focus to something else.

Imagine a trapeze artist. They don't actually let go of the trapeze bar they are on--they reach out and grab a different bar. In a technical sense, sure, they let go of the bar they are on--but it's the act of reaching for the bar they want that allows them to do that.

If you want to resolve something in the past, you have to identify something that is important to you and focus on that. You have to take action on something you can actually impact. You can't impact the past--it's in the past and cannot be changed. But you can change the present (how you feel or what you do) by changing your thinking and your behaviors.

Bottom line! Quit doing what doesn't work--trying to "let go of the past." And how do you do that? By starting something else--focusing on what you can do now to get more of what you want.

Let me know what you think.

The post The Myth of “Letting Go of the Past” appeared first on Alan Allard.

Since the economic downturn began, it seems that “playing it safe” has become a national pastime. Companies have laid off employees, instigated hiring freezes, and focused on cost-cutting measures rather than seeking to grow and prosper. While many of them have money, they are afraid to use it due to uncertainty in the marketplace.That’s called playing it safe—and it's the opposite of playing to win.

The problem is that growth demands risk - of time, of money, of talent - on endeavors that can be said to have a reasonable expectation of success (the operative word here being “expectation,” not “guarantee"). Leaders take risks where others are paralyzed by the possibility of failure. Some companies understand this—they aggressively launch new products, enter new markets, and venture into uncharted territory. These are the companies that set the pace, earn the profits, and reap the benefits of their leader status.

The same principle applies to individuals. Polls reveal that a large percentage of employees - anywhere from one-third to over one-half - say that they will look for new jobs when the economy picks up. For now, however, they are content to play it safe. Meanwhile, others are proactively seeking opportunities—and finding them.

There are no guarantees, but there are always opportunities. Playing to win means finding and exploiting these opportunities to get ahead. Do you have to leave your current job in order to do so? Maybe, maybe not. If you're content where you are, look for opportunities to grow and advance within your position. Learn a new skill. Propose a new idea. Ask for more responsibility, or for more resources to do your job better. If your efforts are ill-received, give it some time and ask again. Push back on the status quo.

Are you playing it safe, or are you playing to win? While none of these endeavors guarantee your success, they at least put the option on the table. Go ahead, weigh the risk-profit ratio before making a decision—but please, quit doing things just because they're "safe." When the economy does improve, you'll be an MVP for playing to win while others were hanging out in their comfort zones.

The post Are You Playing To Win or Playing to Not Lose? appeared first on Alan Allard.

How are you...and how is your New Year  so far? For some of us, the answer would be "Good...no, I mean really good!" For some of us, the answer would be"Not so good, I've been kind of stuck" and for others of us the answer would be "I'm just holding on. I thought this year would be so much better than last year, but so far, it's been pretty much the same thing as last year."

Wherever you are and whatever you are going through--good or not so much--we all have fears and we all have dreams. And we are all capable of facing our fears and feeding our dreams--really--whether we realize it or not. I know you have fears because we all do, no matter how much we've grown or how much we've achieved. And we all have dreams--but how many of us are feeding our dreams with the thoughts, beliefs and actions that are needed to bring them to life?

If things are going well for you, now is the time to capitalize on that and keep growing, changing and achieving bigger things. It's the time think bigger and take on bigger fears and find out how much more the universe and life has to offer. It's time to become healthier, more loving and to enjoy more of the abundance that is yours. You owe that to yourself and to those you love. If you are in a position of strength, go for more--and help others along the way.

If things aren't going so well, or they are okay and you want them to be in a whole different place, let me help you to decide today to turn things around. I've been where you are now and so have many others. Maybe not in the exact place you are in now, but in places that me and many others to relate. For instance, I was reminded today of J.K. Rowling--yes, the Rowling of Harry Potter fame. A few years back, Rowling talked about her days of "failure" and dark nights in a commencement speech at Harvard University and said this:

“I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

Rowling wrote her first novel in cafes in Edinburgh, Scotland (I've been to one of them) taking her daughter with her while she wrote. She pounded out her first draft on a manual typewriter and completed it in 1995, the year she turned 30. She was on government welfare, supporting a young daughter and had to face her fears. You and I know how things turned out for Rowling. But she didn't--not in the beginning, and not in the middle.

She just kept hoping, believing and taking action, writing one sentence at a time. She could do that, despite her fears. She could face her fears and feed her dreams one sentence at a time. Rowling had to plant the seeds of her dream and feed them for as long as it took for the seeds to grow into what they are today. You are probably not in the same challenging circumstances Rowling was when she started writing--or maybe you are facing bigger challenges.

Whatever your circumstances, here is something we can learn from J. K. Rowling: If things are not going well, now is the time to discover what your dream is and tap into it. It could be a better job, a new relationship or rekindling an "old" one, gaining more self-confidence and getting your mojo back. Ask yourself "What is my dream?" If you know what it is, it's time to act on it even if that means "writing one sentence at a time"like Rowling did. On the other hand, if things are going well for you, don't get caught up in the "Success Trap" where you settle for your current levels of success. Think bigger and challenge yourself; there is always so much more!

What are your fears? What are your dreams? Decide today that you will face your fears and feed your dreams and surprise yourself with how courageous, creative and capable you really are.

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Believe it or not, 2013 is just around the corner! If you have been thinking about how you would like the new year to be one of discovery, growth and achievement, here is a tip:"Don't believe everything you believe! If you want things to change in your life, you must change first. Life and the universe works from the inside out; as within, so without.

When I was in my early twenties, I came across this poem:

My Wage

“I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.”

-Jessie B. Rittenhouse

Give this poem some thought before 2012 ends and 2013 begins. What beliefs did you create your reality and results from over the past year. It's time to take an inventory of what we have believed about self, life, relationships, money and our health and ask which ones served us well and which ones didn't. The great thing about beliefs is that we don't have to keep on believing them. We can question them, challenge them and doubt them. We can decide they don't work for us any longer and update our subconscious minds about what we want to believe going forward.

Our beliefs are just beliefs. They aren't facts or we would simply call them facts, not beliefs.

We bargained with Life in 2012 based upon the beliefs we held on to. If you want to bargain for something better, it's time to get better beliefs to bargain with.

I wish you a  happy and prosperous New Year!

The post Don’t Believe Everything You Believe! appeared first on Alan Allard.

If you want to add more happiness to your life, take a minute and ask yourself this question: "What are my rules for happiness?"

If you don't think you have any rules for when it's okay to be happy or how happy you can allow yourself to be, think again. Your rules might not be conscious, but that doesn't mean you don't have any. We all do. Here are three common rules, even if they don't initially seem to be rules:

• I'll be happy when...
• I would be happier if...
• I'm usually happy until...

To really discover if you subconsciously have any of these rules, write them out and finish the sentence with whatever pops in your mind. Keep writing answers down as they pop into your mind and then go to the next rule.

Here's the thing about rules; we think they are important and should be followed. You have to make up your own mind about that, but you would probably agree that some rules should be changed.

What if you changed the three rules above to "I am happy for no good reason and I'm going to stay that way!" What if you realized that you are happy (we are all happy about something) and you decided to pay more attention to when you feel happy? What if we got in the habit of doing that?

Why not think about what rules you have had about happiness? And then made up a new list; one that really rocked?

And before you leave, please leave a comment and share a "rule," a principle or an idea that would help all of us create and experience more happiness, fulfillment and joy.

P.S. If you want to learn more about happiness in your life and work, get my book "Seven Secrets to Enlightened Happiness" on Amazon.com at: http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Secrets-Enlightened-Happiness-ebook/dp/B008KOJZG8 for only $2.99 for a limited time only. Here is what Roxane Hettinger said about it: 

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If I were to ask you when you last reached out to someone via text, tweet, email or Facebook, you probably wouldn't have to think long. We live in an age of instant communication—but while technology rocks, sometimes it just isn’t enough. If you want to send someone the message that you've made a sincere effort on their behalf, you're going to have to get a little old-school.

At the risk of sounding hopelessly outdated, whatever happened to the art of the handwritten note? When is the last time you sent (or received) a message on paper? I bet you have to think a little harder about about that! In a way, the scarcity of handwritten communication actually offers an advantage—if you do choose to go old-school, the gesture will carry more of an impact.

Picture the scene: The mild shock on the face of the lucky person receiving your note quickly transforms into a smile upon seeing that it was you who reached out in such an antiquated way. That smile registers the fact that you went out of your way to make him or her feel special. When curiosity prompts the recipient to open your note, he or she will feel touched on an emotional level, even if the contents of your note are simple and straightforward.

If you were to send that same person a text, tweet or email, of course the gesture would be appreciated. But your words would quickly become buried in an email folder or lost in cyberspace. That old-school handwritten note, on the other hand, would likely be displayed prominently on a desk or stashed in a drawer with other sentimental objects. Even your grumpy co-worker or distant relative is likely to react this way—while most inboxes are overloaded, most drawers have plenty of space.

Think about that the next time you want to say "thank you" (or anything else important) to your boss, team member, friends or family. Set aside your keypad, smartphone or iPad, and get out your pen and paper. Let old-school "technology" work its magic. While technology rocks, sometimes it's the old-school methods that will put you on a roll.

The post How to Deliver an Unforgettable “Thank You” appeared first on Alan Allard.

The universe is alive and vibrant, a pulsating force of energy and power--and each one of us is a part of the universe.  But that's not all--the universe is also within each of us. We have a power within that is beyond our capability to comprehend. The question is, "How can you tap into that power to experience more of the life you want?"

A colleague of mine recently wrote a book that will help you do just that. It is a practical book with exercises, inspiring stories and insights. It was written for women, but if you are a man, don't let that stop you--I didn't!

Helene is a C.E.O. and Chairman of Creative Expansions, Inc. and her company has more than 20 televised specials (among awards received are 2 Emmys and 6 Gracie Allen Awards from American Women in Radio and Television) and one of the premier websites for professional women, www.womenworking.com.

I read more than a book a week and it's not often I find one that I can't help telling others about. This is one of those rare books. Intrigued? Let me tell you a little more about Helene and In Her Power: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self:

Helene Lerner, leading advocate for women's advancement and empowerment, addresses the nine most common self-sabotaging behaviors that hold women back, and reveals simple secrets to unlocking your true power.

With practical exercises and first-person stories, Lerner gives women the tools needed to achieve confidence, creativity, and intimacy in every aspect of life—from work to personal relationships to sex. Her approach is gentle but firm, compassionate yet disciplined, and eminently useful.

Learn to:

-       Stay present in the face of challenge and discomfort.

-       Express yourself genuinely in all aspects of life.

-       Recognize and appreciate your unique destiny.

-       Act with confidence and be visible when it counts.

-       Express your sexuality and experience true pleasure.

The post Are You Powerful? appeared first on Alan Allard.

Happiness isn’t an all or nothing proposition where you are either happy or unhappy—life isn't that simple. We are all on the continuum of what we call happiness and no doubt you are happy about some things in your life and not so happy about others. Wherever you are on your journey, there is always the room to improve your capacity to be happy with yourself, your life and your circumstances.

In fact, life is about discovery, growth and mastery—we are meant to thrive, not to just do “pretty good.” But how do we get to the level of thriving—and stay there? Good question!

There’s certainly no shortage of advice on how to get more happiness in your life. Some will tell you that happiness is your natural state and that you deserve to be happy. On the other hand, many are quick to say that life is difficult and your happiness will come and go depending on your circumstances.

Donald Trump seems to be happy with a lot of wealth, power and attention, while Bill and Melinda Gates are busy helping others have a better life. It begs the question, “Which way to happiness?” Will you be happier by getting more for yourself or by giving more? Or maybe that’s a trick question and increasing your happiness involves both!

What does it take to make happiness a way of life? Many of us think more money is part of the equation. Despite the evidence that money can’t buy real happiness, we still can’t keep from thinking of what it can buy—not to mention the bills it would pay off.

Some would tell you that if you downsized your house, car or wardrobe and lived the “minimalist” lifestyle, you would be happier. Their philosophy is “Less is more!”

On the other hand, the “health and wealth” evangelists proclaim that “more is better!” And if you’re not “religious,” you can check in with author and international speaker Randy Gage who will tell you that it’s a “sin” to be poor. And believe me, he gets some strong reactions to that statement!

Beyond the debate about money and possessions boosting happiness, many think the answer lies in finding their “soul mate.” There are plenty of books and coaches that will tell you finding the right person will somehow “complete” your life. If you find your soul mate, you will find your bliss.

But wait—someone else comes along and tells you that you aren’t happy because you’re self-centered—you selfish thing! According to this thinking, happiness is to be found in giving, not getting.  We all admire Mother Theresa, but I think there’s more to the story.

What about your own needs? We’ve all heard “It’s more blessed to give than to receive”—but what does that really mean? After all, burnout is a serious challenge for professional “caregivers”—therapists, physicians, nurses, medical missionaries and teachers. What’s up with that?

With so much conflicting and confusing information and advice out there, what can you do? Here’s what: You can figure it out for yourself… but you don’t have to do it by yourself. I’m going to help you rethink what you know about happiness and what it takes for you to thrive in life.

Begin by asking yourself if you are happy to the degree you know you can be and you know you want to be. My guess is you are happy to some degree but you intuitively know there is more to life than you have found. If so, here is a tip to create more happiness, fulfillment and meaning in your life:

Make a decision today to focus on increasing your happiness in life. Everything begins with a decision--a commitment. Happiness doesn't grow by accident--you have to be purposeful and mindful enough to prioritize it. Start there and keep learning and practicing the art of being happier today.

(From my e-book "Seven Secrets to Enlightened Happiness!"

The post This Way to Happiness! appeared first on Alan Allard.

Happiness isn't about everything being "right" in our lives--it's about embracing what is while going for what can be.

No one that I know of has the perfect life. Some have more of what they want than others when it comes to health, connection with others, work that is fulfilling and financially rewarding and so on.

Everyone's life isn't equal, but then again, neither is how we go about dealing with what is.

Some of us go through life and work complaining or wishing things were different and others of us wake up and ask "What do I want today to be like and how can I co-create that?"

Some of us go through life paying more attention to what isn't "right" about our health, job or relationships. Yet, some of us are aware of these things and choose to put our attention on what we have rather than what we don't have--yet.

To have more of what we want, to have more joy, happiness, fulfillment--and yes, even more money--it's vital to embrace what is while investing our energy into attracting and bringing to life more of what we want.

Embracing what is doesn't mean giving up or resigning ourselves to what is. It means we quit fighting what is with our complaining, worrying and fears. "Fighting" what we want only gives it more energy to grow. Instead, we can say "This is what is for now" and then shift our focus to what we want.

Better yet, we can accept and embrace what is (for now) and ask ourselves what we can learn about self, life and the universe. We can ask "What can I learn from this? How can I grow from this?"

We are far more powerful than we imagine. Our thoughts are more powerful than we imagine. Our beliefs and assumptions are more powerful than we know.

Life will never be perfect, whether it is life at work, life at home or life elsewhere. But it can always be better than it is.We live in an abundant universe that pulsates with creative energy. We can always co-create and experience more happiness, meaning and fulfillment in life.

But not by waiting until everything is right or by resisting what isn't just right yet. We can have more happiness and joy by embracing what is and by envisioning what can be--and  by making the choices and doing what will take us in that direction.

Happiness isn't about everything being "right" in our lives--it's about embracing what is--while going for what can be.

The post Happiness-Why Wait Until Everything is Just Right? appeared first on Alan Allard.

A colleague of mine has been tweeting about my new e-book "Seven Steps to Happiness"--and of course, I'm happy about that! It's always nice to have friends and colleagues to believe in you and support you and what you do.

That being said, unless you are a hermit, in life, there will always be those who support you--and there will always be those who will volunteer to criticize you--free of charge.

I bet you don't have to think too long to remember someone who has hurled some type of criticism your way. Sometimes the critic is straightforward ("You shouldn't have said that") and sometimes he or she is trying to fly under the radar ("Are you sure it was a good idea to say that?"

What can you do?

You can't escape criticism if you're going to be yourself, think for yourself or put yourself out there in any way. Someone, somewhere (how about on Twitter!) is going to take a shot at you. I say "how about on Twitter?" because on one of the tweets my colleague and friend sent out, someone with the term "Leader" in his twitter name criticized the title of my book "Seven Steps to Happiness."Huh?

Yes, you read that right. Someone didn't like the title of my book--I know, hard to believe, right? What's not to love? Well, evidently, according to the critic, there's something not to love! Responding to my friend's tweet he tweeted "The only reason someone uses the words 'secret' or 'law' is to try to control others."

Now, why was I the object of criticism? He wasn't just criticizing my book title--he was criticizing my motives--he was criticizing me. Why? When you boil it all down, it was because I did something--in this case, I wrote a book.

That's a good thing. Doing something, creating something, saying something, standing for something, taking a risk with something--all these things are good things. And all of that exposes you to criticism. That's fine, because as someone said, "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen."

And as my incredible son-in-law (Jonathon Lerma) frequently says, "It's all good!" Thank you Jonathan--you're right.

It's all good because life isn't about playing it safe or paying attention to the critics. It's about stepping your game up because you really believe "It's all good." It's about being who you are, knowing that some will love you and some not so much.

It's about speaking up, knowing that some will agree with you, and some will take your words and twist them for their own purposes. That's part of life and...

"It's all good!"

Even the criticism--because the criticism means you showed up and did something. You said something. You created something. You took action.

That's why, even with criticism "It's all good!"

The post It’s All Good–Even the Criticism!” appeared first on Alan Allard.